Science has proven that our attitudes spread and catch like a virus, which can infect all of us, for good or bad. Blaming is an infectious disease. Have you ever noticed how a boss or a co-worker in bad mood can quickly impact the emotions in the office? Our negative and positive emotions will ripple through the team. Psychologists estimate that through our emotions and attitudes, we influence people within three degrees or up to 1,000 people.
A negative parent drops off their child at school. The child has a bad attitude and interacts with your child catching a negativity cold which they bring home. Or your boss is cranky with you and you come home and are cranky with your family.
You have probably experienced a similar emotional contagion with disgust. Your friend tastes the milk that has gone sour and makes the disgusted face and says, “you should taste this!” You don’t have to taste it to know what they are experiencing. Not only that but you make the same disgusted face without ever tasting the tainted milk.
Negativity on social media is so infectious that individuals and organization can trigger strong reactions from their followers with an emotionally charged post. Today with the corona virus pandemic, individuals are not always responding in rational ways. For example, it is really difficult to find toilet paper in many places in the United States. Panic buying has set in because some people want to have greater control over their lives in a climate of uncertainty. Toilet paper will not go bad. My sister has an emergency supply that is 10 years old. It is still good. A few people panicking caused many of us to rush to the store to be sure we have the highly prized and precious commodity known as TP.
Our brains are designed to delete, distort, and simplify information. They create patterned responses that create habits of thought and action. Our brains do this to conserve energy. Many of our habits and patterned responses are useful. A few are not.
As a keynote speaker, I speak to audiences all over the world. I find it easy to create a patterned response with hundreds of people in just a few seconds. Through a very simple trick I get them to spell out loud the word R-O-A-S-T, several times. Then I ask them, “what do you put in a toaster?” Even though most know they are being tricked and this seems like a joke your 5-year-old would tell, they still respond, “TOAST!”
Some of our patterned responses have been developed over a life and are very strong. Taking ownership gives us the power to reject our patterned responses and choose a different response to get a better result. We have a responsibility to be positively infectious. So often we justify our behavior because we think we are not hurting anyone. We can do what we want. Once we realize how much what we think and do impacts the people around, we can no longer pretend to be isolationists acting and thinking as we please.
Taking ownership is harder than it sounds. Partly because of how our brains work. But also, because we live in a society where deflecting responsibility or non-responsibility and placing blame are deeply rooted in our culture. We are blaming foreign countries or people for this current crisis. When we blame, we give up our power to change. It is also a judgment or indictment of others that will or could cause us to be less likely to help others in distress. Click here to see a brief clip of me speaking on this subject,
Here are a few ideas to create more positivity in your life:
- Increase your gratitude: Increasing your feelings of gratitude can impact your happiness and so much more. When I am frustrated or upset, I am thinking about what is wrong in my life. Since we get what we focus on, dwelling on frustrations will only erode our happiness. The next time you are experiencing frustration that robs you of happiness, I invite you to focus on an event in your life that brings you intense feelings of gratitude. It could be the birth of a child or an act of kindness that was proffered on your behalf, etc. Our minds cannot focus on negative and positive feelings at the same time. If your gratitude feelings are strong enough, they will quickly chase away your frustrations and negative feelings.
- Do something for someone else: Right now, many individuals are unfortunately acting selfishly by over buying certain goods and in some case stealing supplies. When you take a moment to stop thinking about how events and people impact you and think about how you impact others, you will be much closer to making a positive impact. Helping someone else will allow you to take your focus off your own challenges. It will energize you, give you a sense of value and contribution. Focusing on others who may have needs greater than your own will also increase your gratitude for what you have. You don’t have to look far for opportunities to help someone else. Nor do you have to go to great lengths to make a difference. Take time to notice someone in need. Listen, console, give of your time and labor, make a call, write a note or letter, give a gift, etc. I met a neighbor at the store getting supplies as many of us are. I mentioned that I could not find any yeast. She said she had some and come by with a container. Her kindness was just the positivity I needed. For a smile, watch this Coke commercial.
- Look for the good: Look for the good in every situation. No matter how bleak things may seem, there is always good that may come. I know from personal experience that when something I perceive is negative happens to me, I have a choice. I can feel self-pity and become depressed, or I can use my creative energy to focus on what good may come. I found that as I look back on events that were challenging, I invariably gained experienced or developed talents from them. And I was grateful for the challenging experience. Looking for the good puts our creative energy to work for us in our pursuit of happiness.
- Surround yourself with positivity: Be very careful about what you put into your mind. make sure what you read, watch and listen to reinforces your happiness. Our minds are the most powerful computers in the universe. They search and find whatever we program them to find. This means everything we put into our minds will take us further or closer to our goal of happiness. Surround yourself with good people who will hold you accountable to your goals. Limit how much news you consume in a day. Read good books, listen to good music and watch only media that reinforces good.
- Work on balance: I know many people who feel great fulfillment in their work, so they neglect other areas of their life. For many, this trend has reversed. You may have to create a work routine at home that will help you stay productive. The best way to find happiness is to find balance in many areas of life including: financial; emotional; spiritual; physical; relational; recreational, and intellectual. You may find that all of these pursuits are interrelated. There are ways to stay connected remotely. If you can’t attend church, study scriptures online with some of your friends and family. You may have book clubs and prayer meetings remotely. I am responsible for our 14-15-year-old boys at our church. We all got together on Zoom and played a game called Imagine If. It was so fun, and we will do something similar next week. Continue to work on balance in your life.
- Exercise: This is a part of life balance. Exercise releases chemicals that can help us feel great and think more clearly. Remember life balance. Some feel that since exercise makes them feel good, more is better. An excessive focus on any pursuit may take us further from our goal. You may not be able to go to the gym, but maybe you can go for a hike or ride a bike. My son and I ran in the mountains last night and we saw one other person and didn’t get close. If you are quarantined, exercise at home. The game Just Dance is a great way to get your heart going. There are many on demand exercise programs which you can do in your living room.
- Develop your talents: Learn something new. Improving your abilities brings a sense of satisfaction and increases your ability to help yourself and others. Learn a new skill that will help you compete today. This pandemic will end, and you want to emerge stronger and more capable than ever. Learning new skills will give you confidence to handle challenges like conflict, stress and the negative emotions of others. It will help you be positively infectious.
- Avoid criticizing others: Along with looking for the good, avoid criticizing others. We find what we look for. More importantly, how we treat others has a way of coming back to us. Call it karma, law of the harvest, universe or what you will. Thinking good of others will do much to bring those good thoughts back to us.
- Let go of the past: While it is true that we have control over our thoughts, we can’t always control what happens to us. When something bad happens, it is hard to think of the good. Holding on to negative feelings about something or somebody will only rob us of reaching our goal of happiness. We have the power to give meaning to our thoughts. They can only control us if we give them power to do so. Letting go of the past requires we reframe our thoughts. For some, this process may be difficult and require professional assistance. Being willing to get help if you need it is a good thing and will help you get one step closer to being positively infectious.
- Live by a moral code: Some people believe anything goes when pursuing happiness. When you choose to be disciplined in following a moral code, you are closer to finding happiness. A friend of mine shared his experience with this principle with me. When his children were young, he and his wife set boundaries of behavior. They had friends that took a different approach with their children. They chose to let their children behave without boundaries or restrictions. This couple would criticize my friend for being strict with their children. My friend and his wife were more interested in being parents than friends. As the children grew older the results of the two approaches was clear. The children of my friends loved their parents and respected them. They had a strong rewarding relationship. Their friends’ children did not respect their parents. They were self-centered and spoiled.
It is not the events or situations in our lives that determine happiness and how positive we are. Rather, it is our own behavior and thought process. I am sure there are many more ways to be positively infectious than I have listed above. I would love to hear from you. What have you found that makes you happy?
Now more than ever, we have a responsibility to be positively infectious. We get to behave in ways that help lift and inspire people to be better, to do better. We hopefully want and need that positivity coming back to us from others.
The Author Spencer Horn is the President of Altium Leadership For additional information consider the following topics: “How To Beat The Odds of Quitters Day” “Act As If…Today”, “Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired;” “The Power of Accountability;” “Silence Your Saboteur” “The Help You Need To Achieve Your Resolutions” Seven Success Strategies For 2018